Everyday Observations
by ForgottenUmbrella
Summary: Life through the eyes of a couple of 13-year-olds.
1. Why's it called

**I screamed so hard on the inside when I noticed that the Koopalings were in Mario Kart 8. Yeah, it took me until I started playing to actually realise it.**

* * *

Today was going to be a great day.

For the first time in a long while, we were invited to an event that was not organised by our not-father, Bowser. Several years ago, our not-father decided to unclaim all of us save for Junior, automatically making him the heir to the throne (and a lot of stress). We were all shocked of course. Imagine that you have been living all of your life believing that your father is well, _your father_, and if anyone were to tell you otherwise, you would just laugh it off as a joke. Then, when you are thirteen-years-old, your 'father' calmly says that you are not his child, and walks away as if nothing had ever happened.

Now while I could say that I was amazed at that development, the only thing I had been thinking at that time was, _"MY LIFE IS A LIE! SOMEBODY PINCH ME!" _

After that I did get pinched, but that is not important.

My not-father was informed that we would be allowed to race in the bi-annual races. This was the eleventh one, the first one being a good nine years before I was born. As little koopas, we had heard horror stories of the 'ancient races', where people fell off cliffs and there was no Lakitu to fish them out, where racers nearly drowned, where Pokeys had landed on people and stayed impaled in their heads for days... I do not want to continue...

As my siblings and I took a leisurely drive towards the finish line inside a car I did not know we owned, our not-father commented, "Kids, enjoy the ride because once we get there it'll be crazy." He still calls us kids even though we are more like his foster children. Seriously, who takes care of seven koopalings for years that actually have no blood relation to you at all?

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Imagine if this had been the Doubles tournament!" My twin brother exclaimed. "You could drive and I could throw stuff at people!"

"Oh, please," our only sister complained, even though he was not even speaking to her. "You couldn't even shoot down the Mario Brothers when they invaded the castle; What makes you think your aiming would be accurate enough to hit a goomba?"

"To be fair, we all couldn't defend our castles. Also, goombas have small hitboxes and you know that. You couldn't hit them either, and your rings cover a much larger area than our fireballs," I retorted. "Umm, the Mario Brothers. Not the goombas," I quickly added.

Our sister was nice when she had what she wanted, but otherwise she was just a spoilt brat. If she did not receive something that she desired, she would throw tantrums and deafen people with a glass-breaking scream. Unfortunately for me, my glasses were made out of glass and not plastic, so it was a wonder that I had yet to require a surgery involving the removal of broken glass from my eyes.

Another one of my brothers snorted and looked at the eldest one. "Yeah, even though you can levitate now, you still got defeated by them."

The blue-haired composer looked slightly annoyed at this comment, but wisely decided to keep his mouth shut. He may have been the highest in army hierarchy, but that would do nothing to stop our other brother from physically harming him. Sure, he was used to it, but he preferred not to get into fist fights with Roy.

Ah, I mentioned a name. I suppose I should, or else the ambiguity could confuse people. Indirectly referring to people reminds me of the time when I stealthily listened (technically I was eavesdropping) to Wendy having a conversation with another female koopa. She must have sensed that I was listening, because she was referring to us by amusing code names such as 'Baked Beans', 'Cauliflower', 'Carrot' and 'Cabbage'. The not-so-amusing part was that I honestly could not tell who she was talking about, so I eventually gave up and slinked away.

Above our heads was a large banner reading, 'Mario Kart 8'. Why Mario of all people? Why not his brother in green, or even us? This was our first time racing after all, and I really hoped that it would not be our last. Personally I did not enjoy the crowd growing silent as we approached them. Although a truce had been called, meaning that they would not try to kill us on sight and that our not-father was not allowed to kidnap the princess, or anyone else for that matter, there was still an air of hostility from many of the Mushroom Kingdom's inhabitants. However, the most unnerving part was when Mario walked up to King Bowser and greeted him without a trace of malice in his voice.

Even though I had no love for places with hundreds of spectators staring at you with their beady little eyes, my twin seemed to be enjoying himself, and that was enough for me. As a little child I had promised myself that anything that made Lemmy happy I would tolerate, since if he lost his cheerful attitude it would be a lot scarier than a bunch of talking mushrooms casually observing me.

I remember the time when Roy had burst his ball and Lemmy had gotten into a fight with him, though he lost due to his small stature. Even with my interference, we both ended up in the infirmary for nearly a week.

Then when we were separated for one of the classes that our not-father had forced us all to take, he had been really sad. I told him it was only for an hour every week, but he would just stare blankly at the screen during the lesson, the teacher's words floating over his rainbow-coloured hair. Finally, our not-father realised this and tried to convince him that he should learn not to rely on me too much, when he just broke down and began crying. Our not-father then called me over and told me to calm my brother down. I walked over and sat next to him. Frankly speaking, our not-father was not good at reading emotions at all. Although he was right about Lemmy's dependence on me for companionship and a lot of other things such as reaching objects on higher shelves, he forgot that it was a two-way relationship. My other brothers and sister told me that I would be unusually quiet and emotionless when Lemmy was down with anything, be it stress, depression, or even the flu. They believed that we would both probably go ballistic should we not be together.

Well, crazier than the usual.

After those events, I made that promise to myself and never broke it, because I had no desire to find out whether our siblings beliefs were true.

I apologise for getting sidetracked. Now where was I? Oh right, I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with the silence and started fiddling with my spectacles, when a high-pitched shriek cut through the air. "GIVE IT BACK!"

Roy had taken Wendy's bow off her head, and she was obviously displeased with him. Without it, she was as bald as a bald eagle. I suppose that is why they are called bald eagles. "Wait 'till my father hears about this!" She yelled. This caused Roy to let go of the ribbon with a puzzled look on his face, giving Wendy enough time to pick it up.

"Dear sister... Firstly, we all have the same father. Secondly, who is our father?" Ludwig said calmly without looking up from the book he had been reading. Unable to think of a suitable retort, she turned the other way and let out a soft "Tch."

The awkward silence filled the air once again, and I felt a little unsettled. Only when I heard the voice of my older twin call my name did my fears go away.

"Hey Iggy!" He said. "I wanna ask you a question."

"Go ahead," I replied, confident that I would be able to answer any question he fired at me.

"Don't tell the others I asked you this, they'll think I'm silly," he continued in a hushed tone.

"Mmhmm..." I said slowly.

"If this is the eleventh racing tournament..." he began.

Suddenly, I had the feeling that I knew what his question was going to be. I turned and faced our not-father, speaking his next few words in sync with him.

"Why's it called Mario Kart 8?"

* * *

**Simply because Lemmy has way too many sad stories.**

**"Baked beans, cauliflower, carrot and cabbage" - I really have friends who use these as code names for other people.**

**Also because Lemmy's quickly becoming my favourite character to play with in MK8. I nearly wrote "After all, this was our debut appearance as playable characters!" but I decided not to break the fourth wall and went with, "This was our first time racing after all, and I really hoped that it would not be our last" instead.**

**Will I ever write something that's not funny? Will I ever give people different personalities? (I think I'm pretty bad at that...)**

**Similar to "The Boredom Chronicles", the story is in a way written in my perspective but with a character narrating... Meaning that I kind of just gave Iggy and Koishi the same personality. Well, that's weird.**


	2. Prank I - Coke

Somewhere on the Mario wiki, it states that Nintendo's current story is that they aren't Bowser's children. So in the end, I decided to make them Bowser's adopted children, so that in a way they are and they aren't at the same time.

* * *

For some reason, I woke up this morning with a strange idea. It was to play a prank on my brother Lemmy, since we love doing those to our other siblings. For once, I thought that I should try one on him, to see whether a joke thought up by me and not him would still be funny.

I am not quite sure where the idea that we were deranged came from. We are simply playful, hyper children who like talking to ourselves and smiling at our own thoughts. If I am not wrong, they often include messily killing the Mario Bros. and thinking of various ways to torture them should they ever be held in captivity by our not-father. I do, at least. Lemmy actually does not care whether we win against them or not. He would rather join the circus. Everyone does that, right? Umm, you do, I assume... Ehehehe.

Anyway, I woke up earlier than Lemmy, so I sat on the floor and- Oh, Lemmy wants to say something. Go ahead.

Right, so as my brother was saying, he sat on the floor waiting for me to wake up. I had no clue how he managed to do so, because we had done a weird experiment yesterday involving a ton of toys, Wendy's bow (which left her bald and mad), and my hair, so the floor was littered with various items.

When my long eyelashes fluttered open... Wait, I mean when my eyelids finally decided to open, I got the shock of my short life. Iggy was just sitting there. Upon noticing that I was awake, he jerked his head towards me in such a violent fashion that I was amazed that his thin neck did not snap. That was a bit strange, since Iggy virtually never woke up earlier than me unless it was a special candy/present-collecting occasion. Unfortunately for the rest of our family, I too would wake up early on such days, and we would normally try to get out of our room, which would then result in a mob of angry family members chasing after us with broomsticks yelling, "IT'S THREE A.M. IN THE MORNING, DARN IT!" Of course this would wake up the rest of the castle and we would quietly sneak back to our room amidst the chaos and play randomly-selected card games, including Ricochet, Blackjack and a couple of others.

Ricochet was this really cool game that required mostly hand-eye coordination and being able to tell the difference between blue and green. Although I cannot see straight and have to tilt my head at weird angles to see the cards, and Iggy has really bad eyesight so he cannot tell the difference between those two colours at times, we still find it fun. At least, playing with each other was. Playing with our other siblings was a completely different story... Like the time when Roy knocked off Iggy's glasses... And the other time Larry almost incinerated my hand...

On most days, Iggy would stay up late doing... stuff... and I would try to sleep despite the noise he was making (or causing other people to make). Sometimes it was our not-father telling him to brush his teeth, occasionally we'd get Kammy and/or Kamek cleaning past midnight since our room was right at the end of the hallway and they always did it last. Then there was the time he changed his hair into the palm tree that it is now. I do wish he had just stuck with the rainbow-coloured hair.

Thus, seeing him awake before me a rarity. Back to the event that happened that morning. Iggy opened his mouth as if to say "Good morning," as he normally did every day. Of course, he said "Hello," instead. This caused me to just stare at my green-haired brother because he never, ever says hello, not even to our not-father. Come on, he greets the plumber brothers by taunting them.

"Hello," he repeats.

"Hello, my friend.

Do you understand?

Our father doesn't seem to care

And our brothers and sister don't dare

To face my unnerving stare.

But I do.

Whether what they say is true

Doesn't matter to me.

Let's count to three.

This'll set us free."

He placed a claw to his throat, as if he was going to kill himself. In my panic, I did not notice how he called our not-father "father", or that he was speaking in rhyme. I screamed, "No!"

"Please wait, don't go.

I'll be by myself,

Be like an empty bookshelf

Even with our family's wealth."

His maniacal grin grew wider as he continued,

"What would this mean to you?

After all that we've been through,

It'll be like a dream, see?

You can come with me,

Together we'll leave them be."

All of a sudden, he dropped his claw and began laughing.

"Oh, look at your face!

You look like you just lost a race.

I can't believe you didn't realise this was a joke.

Come on, please don't mope.

Fine then, I'll get you some Coke."

At that point, I had a dozen questions running through my mind. Why did he call Lord Bowser "father"? Why did he prank me? Since when did I drink Coke? Does our household even have Coke? Why did he think of creating a joke that could have caused me a heart attack? Why on earth was he speaking in rhyme and why did I follow suit?

I opened my mouth to ask him, but what came out was, "Isn't coke short for the drug cocaine?"

* * *

I thought the two of them being twins was fitting, but I wanted to keep Iggy as the middle child, so in the end the birth order became (oldest to youngest):

Ludwig  
Roy  
Lemmy  
Iggy  
Wendy  
Morton  
Larry  
Bowser Jr.

I almost typed Morton as "Moron"...

Ricochet is one of my favourite card games, and I have a friend who loves playing Blackjack, so I put those in.

The poem-y bit came about in the middle of a math lecture, of all things.

When I mentioned coke to my mum, the first thing she told me was that it was short for cocaine.


	3. Because Our Not-Father was Scolding Us

Yay for Lemmy being a lightweight and being relatively easy to control.

* * *

Lemmy and I were grounded for the third time this year. This was because our not-father had kidnapped the princess three times, and we had failed to defend the various worlds from the red and green plumbers three times. The first time, I thought my laughter and my pet chain chomp would scare him off. Obviously they did not. After all, he had fought ghosts, worked with ghosts and even nearly killed our not-father countless times, so why would he be afraid of some thirteen-year-old kid's maniacal giggling? Unfortunately for me, he had brought along his brother and a pair of Toads, with blue and yellow caps. They did not appear threatening at all. One of them even spent most of the time fighting me in a bubble, protecting him from getting hit, but he was also unable to attack. Eventually the brother in green got a bit bothered by the blue toad's 'bubbling' and yelled at him to come down and fight. He did, but I saw him as an easy target since the 'shroom was not as agile as the yellow one, nor was he as resilient as the Mario Bros. As I predicted where he would land after jumping, my fireball hit him squarely in the face and he died, only to come back several seconds later in a bubble.

The blue toad leisurely floated over my head, drinking juice that he seemed to have pulled out of nowhere. The brother in green attempted to jump onto my head, but missed completely and sailed into the blue toad. His bubble popped, and the little juice-drinking mushroom landed on my head. Annoyed at him, I knocked him out and he returned to his bubble. Eventually, I was defeated by the trio, and an accident.

Lemmy got the ice world again. Fortunately for him, he was pretty resistant to the cold despite his diminutive size.

"Hey!" Lemmy yelled at me upon hearing that. "I'm not small, I'm fun-sized. You can't balance on my ball because your centre of gravity is too high and you'll fall over!"

"Exactly," I replied. "That's why I leave the balancing work to you."

Where was I? Ah yes, Lemmy was (and still is) resistant to the cold, so he always gets the ice worlds except for the most recent capture, because our bratty sister Wendy wanted it. He loves penguins anyway.

The second time... I have no clue about what happened the second time, so I shall not say anything about it.

The third time, which we were getting grounded for, was pretty similar to the first, except our not-father decided that we would not hide in a cake. Lemmy's scepter was temporarily disabled after losing a practice magic battle with Ludwig, so he opted for bombs instead. I decided to give my pet chain chomp a break and bothered Mario with pipes instead. He was not fazed by the new obstacles that we had created, ploughing through them as if they were tasteless pasta.

Being grounded meant that we were not allowed to leave our room except to go the bathroom and to eat. In fact, our not-father used to ground all of us Koopalings, except that it had now been reduced to just the two of us and Larry. His explanation was that he needed Ludwig to be in charge of the army, Roy to keep the army in check, and he would never hear the end of it if he grounded Morton and Wendy. It actually did not affect the two of us much, since we spend most of our free time in our room or in the lab, which is connected to our bedroom. Larry hated it though. He wanted to go out and play tennis, but he was unable to do so because of the punishment. From what he told us, it would seem that he spent most of his time playing with his piranha plants. He said that their fireballs made great tennis balls, and they did not scorch his racket as he had had it specially fireproofed.

I recall that when Cackletta took over our castle and we mistakenly helped her thinking she was King Bowser, Larry tried to fight the Mario Bros. by forcing them to play tennis with their hammers. After that, he had to buy a new racket because the old one was so burnt that I could not even tell what its original colour was.

Suddenly, Lemmy got a flash of inspiration and called me over.

"Iggy, remember that book called 'Matilda'?" Lemmy asked.

"Yes I do, why?" I only remembered that book because our chatty ten-year-old brother Morton had gone on and on about it over a two-day period, telling the whole family about how she disliked her father so she played pranks/got revenge on him by gluing his hat to his head and dying his hair blonde and how she caused the bullying headmistress to faint through the power of her eyes. When he asked what we had learnt from the story, Lemmy and I simultaneously yelled, "Prank people you don't like!"

"Let's prank our not-father with a whoopee cushion and some falling cushions!"

"They won't hurt, Lemmy."

"They aren't supposed to... Unless the pillows are stuffed with metal."

"Nah, we'll get another week in the dungeon if we give him another concussion."

"Awww, you're no fun..."

... ... ... ... ... ...

We waited eagerly for dinnertime. Sneaking out of our room to rig the ceiling and our not-father's seat had been unbelievably easy despite numerous guards knowing that we were being grounded. Some of them closed one eye to this sort of thing, some were sleeping and the others knew that giving chase would probably end up causing a mess.

Our not-father walked into the dining hall. Ludwig glared at us for giggling and we tried to stifle our laughter. However, our not-father still noticed and roared, "WHAT'S SO FUNNY?"

We remained silent. Then when he sat down, a farting sound was heard. All our siblings began snickering with the exception of Ludwig, who simply shook his head and sighed.

"Your Smellyness, look up," Ludwig instructed. He must have noticed the hole in the ceiling. Since he was going to take over as an advisor and magician from Kamek sometime, he had gone and decided to call King Bowser in the same fashion that he had heard Kamek do so. The only difference was that he tended to be a bit ruder with his names.

King Bowser yelled as a heap of cushions landed on him. We had taken them from the couch, the playroom, the thrones, a couple from our room, a couple from Wendy's room (shh don't tell her), and a few from our not-father's very own room.

"OKAY, WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?" King Bowser hollered.

"Don't yell, Your Loudness. It's bad for your throat."

"YOU SOUND LIKE KAMEK!"

"Well, maybe I am Kamek."

There was a poof of smoke, and Kamek was sitting right where Ludwig had been a few seconds ago.

Our not-father was_ really _getting irritated, so he got up and stomped over to us. Lemmy and I bolted from our seats, wanting our father to give chase. We ran and ran, and eventually got stuck at a dead end. Then we were scolded.

"YOU KNOW HOW MUCH DAMAGE YOU COULD HAVE DONE? ... CONCUSSIONS, MEDICAL FEES... POTATOES... WINE... IMMATURE IDIOTS... ACT YOUR AGE..." King Bowser shouting was kind of scary, even though we had lived through it dozens of times. However, we had a couple of tricks up our metaphorical sleeves. I managed to throw a small boomerang without our not-father noticing (he was too busy ranting) and I shifted slightly so that it would hit him on its way back.

I had to hope that he would not move...

... ... ... ... ... ...

The scream of our not-father was heard for miles in Dark Land.

* * *

Yay for horrid endings.

Anyone who can guess what the title and the, "Potatoes... Wine" part is about gets an internet cookie.  
Hint: It's not Mario-related, but it is from a Japanese video game.  
I'll tell you the answer in two chapters if no one gets it.


	4. Daily Life I

A hill. It was raining heavily. Wait, it was _snowing_. I spotted Kamek stranded at the top and he shouted at me to make a staircase. I looked around and saw that I was surrounded by Angklungs. I supposed that he wanted me to build a staircase out of delicate bamboo musical instruments. What a crazy idea.

I awoke in a dark room; the only light was coming from the door. I opened the door, only to find a nurse waiting to escort me to the doctor. I followed her, until she began talking about how this was a mental hospital and the injection that the doctor was going to give me. I hated needles, so I said that I was sorry and ran. She called out to the doctor and he ran out of his office and after me, wielding a large syringe. I continued running in fear, the doctor slowly falling behind. When I encountered a stairwell, I went up, for the lower floors were more crowded. My only thoughts were, _"Run. Keep running. Don't stop."_

Finally, it was over.

I practically leaped a good metre into the air, literally jumping out of bed. My amazing jumping prowess was probably what had made our not-father nickname me "Hop" when I was four, although why on earth he had decided to call Lemmy "Hip" was beyond our understanding. Unfortunately, I was sleeping on the upper bunk and crashed into the ceiling, plummeting down towards the ground, which was three metres away. I screamed. The ground always looks so far away until you land shell-first on it.

Like most koopas, I struggled to flip myself over until I remembered what we had been taught to do; Put all your weight to one side of your body and hope that gravity actually works for once. Considering that you could prolong jumps by being light or kicking your legs (a.k.a. the flutter jump), and that some people could FLY, I had to hop pretty hard. Whoops, I meant hope.

The rest of the time before breakfast was normal. I was trying to shape my hair and wash my face. So far so good. We had wished the previous night that this day would be calm and peaceful. No surprise wars, no surprise jumping out of cakes...

Until our nine-year-old brother Larry crashed the bathroom screaming.

"ROY WON'T LET ME USE MY BATHROOM! HE LOCKED THE DOOR AGAIN! HELP ME!"

It suddenly dawned upon him that we had no power over our brother Roy, so he stared at us blankly for a few seconds, muttered that he thought that we were King Bowser or Ludwig and left. That was rather amusing, considering their bathrooms were on the other side of the corridor, eight or ten doors away from ours.

Breakfast was as usual. Our not-father had meat. He never ate anything but meat, similar to how our eldest brother never ate anything healthy. This would have made sense if he had been skinny like me and wanted to _gain weight_, but he was kind of chubby, so his reasons for doing so were a mystery to the family.

Lemmy thinks that his extra fat makes him fun to poke, since his claws just bounce off.

Lemmy and I ate pancakes with extra maple syrup, which just proved that hardly anything was sweet enough nowadays. I recall the time when Kamek had decided to let us choose how much sugar we wanted in our drinks, and Lemmy and I had asked for "100%" and we still found it too bland. On the contrary, Morton thought that at "30%" his drink had been too sweet and began spouting facts about how too much sugar was bad for your health.

It was a good thing sour things were not bad for one's health, since Lemmy loves eating sour things. Whenever we go to a restaurant, he will eat the lemons on the sides of the plates, or steal the lemons from our siblings' ice lemon tea glasses. The reason he ended up liking sour food was because our not-father had challenged him to eat a slice of lemon without making a face when we were three. At that point in time, he was unable to fulfill the challenge. Now, he says that he wants to find something sourer than lemons.

After breakfast we went for classes taught by King Bowser's top advisors, Kamek and Kammy. Since there were two of them, we were normally split into two classes or they taught us together. Before Bowser Jr. was born, we twins were often split up due to being the middle children. This caused some problems which I mentioned in, "Why's it Called...", but his birth solved these issues, so I suppose we should thank him for that.

The first class was History. For this class, Morton and Ludwig were with us. When we were younger it used to be Roy, but Morton's knowledge grew as fast as his mouth and they were switched. Despite being younger than us by a couple of years, he already had extensive knowledge of various important events in history, both here and in the real world. Things like Princess Peach Toadstool's inauguration ceremony, World War II, and the first time our not-father captured her. He said that Princess Peach's grandmother was actually a toad. It is a bit strange if you think too hard about it, so I would not recommend it.

After History was Physical Exercise (PE). I heard (from Morton, of course,) that in the real world, PE actually stood for Physical Education. That would make no sense here, since King Bowser only taught us things about fighting and nothing else. For the more strenuous activities such as wrestling and long distance running, Lemmy and I would sit out and play by the side. This happened after Lemmy commented on how he would roll on his ball due to his short legs, and our not-father would not allow that. I was exempted after collapsing during a 3-kilometre run. Sure, I was fast, but I had no stamina to back up that speed and blacked out halfway.

Why, you ask? Hmm, think of my airship in our most recent capture. It had two propellers and moved faster than the others, but ran out of oil faster too.

However, our not-father had decided to plan a game of King's dodgeball, so we were included. The referee would be King Bowser, and the rules were that we could not shoot at the head, the hair or the shell on purpose, but if it bounced off something before hitting those parts it would not be considered a foul, and killing your opponents would not be tolerated. All projectiles excluding lethal fireballs were allowed. The difference between regular dodgeball and King's dodgeball were that a "king" would be chosen on each side, and as long as the "king" was still alive, that side still stood a chance of winning. The rest of the players save for the last one were the "king's guards". They would be knocked out and stand on the border of the opponent's court, helping their team to catch and throw the ball at the opposing team. The final "guard" would be pretty much invincible and would continue protecting the "king" until the "king" on either side was hit. If the players caught the ball it would not be a hit. Depending on the rules, the teams may or may not have to announce their "king".

In this case, it was the latter. Our team consisted of Ludwig (a good jumper), Wendy (90% useless, normally the first one out), Lemmy (the king because he was good at dodging and because he was small) and me (another jumper who could run short distances). Lemmy's ball had originally been part of his hitbox, but after it turned out to be a ridiculously easy target to hit (because he jumped on the ball to dodge and does not move the ball), the rules were revised.

When the game started, the field became a war zone. It was all a blur, so I have no idea who won, and I think no one else knew either. Needless to say, half of us ended up in the infirmary for surface-level cuts and bruises. Compared to getting stomped on by Mario, that was nothing. He normally cracked shells and caused loss of brain cells. Oh that rhymed... Hehehehehehehe.

After getting our minor wounds fixed (and refusing to wear plasters), we all had some free time. Ludwig went to compose another Koopa Symphony, which have improved a lot since he first began at the age of four. Several years ago when he went deaf due to an ear infection, our not-father gave earplugs to everyone save for Ludwig. I think I still have mine somewhere, in case he makes something unusually painful to the ears. My personal favourite is the "Lava Lotus", also known as "Flame Symphony in", uhh, "C major"? I shall go ask him later.

Larry was playing a game of Blackjack with Lemmy, so I strolled over and watched them. Larry was winning, since he was normally a pretty decent player regardless of whether he was cheating or not. However, due to this cheating habit of his, the rules for all games where Larry was involved changed slightly. Instead of cheating being a bad thing, you were allowed to cheat as long as no one noticed. That included people not actually playing. This was why Larry excelled at games like Bluff where lying was an important part of it.

I was about to point out that Larry had hidden a couple of cards under his leg when our not-father yelled from the kitchen, "LUNCH IS HERE!"

"Your Hungryness, couldn't I get to call them at least once, since I make the food?" Muttered the purple-clad magikoopa standing by the side. "I made _most_ of the food anyway..."

"No."

"Fine, Your Grouchiness."

We trooped towards the kitchen in a disorderly fashion, knocking aside a few of the koopa troops. Ehehehehe do you see what I did? ... THAT BASEBALL BAT IS MADE OUT OF RUBBER! DON'T HIT PEOPLE WITH RUBBER OBJECTS IF YOU WANT TO HURT THEM!

My brother talks too slowly sometimes, so I shall take over for now. As he was saying, we marched towards the kitchen, waking up (by shooting fireballs at) several guards who were sleeping on duty. Honestly, if they were awake, Mario would have so much more fun trying to get to us.

We ate meat, eggs and mushrooms for lunch. Our not-father said that mushrooms were the only kind of vegetables he would ever eat by choice. However, mushrooms are not vegetables. Carrots are, and King Bowser was forced to eat one around three years ago. Shh... Do not tell anyone I said this, but I heard from Kamek that he still has nightmares about that.

After lunch we had some free time, so we twins went to play video games with Larry. We tried to convince Ludwig to play with us, but he had no interest in doing so. As a last resort, Iggy bribed him with a bar of chocolate. When we finished playing, he made a grab for the chocolate in a rare display of immaturity. As Iggy mentioned earlier, he loves eating unhealthy food, which makes him kind of, uhh, _not small_.

Poking him is like poking jelly. The harder you poke, the harder it springs back! It is so fun, even though he hates it when I do that, because he becomes uncharacteristically defensive of his size. I remember now, I made a song for it! It is called, "Poke a Koopa".

Oh, the joy you can get from poking people even if they almost elbow you in the eye~ Jelly~ What flavor do you like the best~? Ah, jelly, jelly...

Ahem. I apologise for my brother's random moment of obsession with our eldest brother's gelatinous qualities and poking people. When people poke each other, they normally use one claw, but Lemmy uses his whole hand. Morton complains that that is not poking, but jabbing. Fortunately his claws are pretty blunt, otherwise it would not be poking or jabbing, but _stabbing_. Perhaps we should use them to injure Mario and his friends next time...

After the game, we headed to my lab to continue an invention that we had been working on for several days. It was supposed to be a birthday present for Ludwig; A device which would allow his music compositions to be played without needing real instruments. Unfortunately, Lemmy and I were both not musical geniuses so we had to resort to comparing the sounds our device was making to Ludwig's instruments. We had camped outside his room for several hours every day, yet we were still missing the sounds for the clarinet (which he nicknamed Claire), the flute (Fione) and the trumpet (Tret) as he did not play them often.

Several hours of camping passed, and a shout of, "DINNER, KIDS," was heard. We were served cheep cheeps and eels. Our not-father would not allow us to eat jellybeams and porcupuffers because they could be poisonous. The fish seemed a little bland to Lemmy and me, so we asked for extra spices.

"Pass the salt-"

"-please, and the ginger too."

"Honestly, I don't know what to do to make you two less hyper," King Bowser said. "Apart from not eating... Hey, not eating. Lemmy, Iggy, no eating for the next twenty-one hours. Not even snacks. Don't give me that face, Lemmy, it's just an experiment."

_"Just an experiment,"_ I thought. _"More like torture you give to the prisoners. Wait a moment, the prisoners are fed."_

Lemmy suggested that we sleep the 'experiment' away, so we did.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"Iggy, wake up!" Lemmy threw the covers off me.

"It's morning already?" I mumbled. "Lemme sleep, Lemmy..."

"You've been sleeping for a day!"

I jumped out of bed, grabbed my glasses and said, "Then we have to set up our prank for today already! Have you forgotten?"

"Umm..." Lemmy muttered, having lost all his excitement. "You really want to set it up now?"

"Sure, why not?"

"When I said you'd been sleeping for a day... Look, we went to bed at eleven p.m., it's nearly midnight now... So you really want to creep around in the dark?"

"On second thoughts, that can wait until tomorrow. Let's play some games!"

... ... ... ... ... ...

Bowser grimaced when he saw that we were still energetic, and groaned, "Do I really have to deprive you of both sleep and food to get you guys to just calm down for five minutes?"

"No, King Bowser," we said before running into the hallway, our voices growing fainter by the second. "The only thing you could ever do is to deprive us of each other."

* * *

More horrid endings.

Galbo (Guest), you are correct about it being a Touhou reference, as is my name. It's actually, "Because Princess Inada is Scolding Me", Minoriko Aki's theme from Mountain of Faith. I don't really know how to make Iggy psychotic, whoops to having him a little sadistic instead.

Fun fact: This is actually no. 5, but since no. 4 is on hold or maybe scrapped, this comes first.

The dream Iggy has right at the start is one I just had recently, and I dreamt that I was Iggy so... A friend of mine commented about the poking/jabbing thing, and another really almost hit me in the face after I poked her.

Ludwig's kind of cute and chubby in my interpretation, so ta-da, poke-able Ludwig.


	5. Lunch Puzzle

Today's narrator is not necessarily Iggy or Lemmy, so don't be confused. I just did this for fun when browsing the 'Mysteries' section at Lemmy's Land, and I see this kind of question come out during math competitions.

* * *

Before lunch, our not-father blindfolded all of us and set up barriers on the table such that we could not see who was sitting next to us or opposite us. Only after our food was served could we remove our blindfolds.

After we finished eating, our not-father walked around and handed us two pieces of paper each, one blank and one with words. He said, "Lemmy, stop eating the paper. You all know what you ate, but not what anyone else or who was sitting where. Now, read the clues and figure out who's sitting where."

The paper with the clues read:

King Bowser is included, so there are eight of you here.

The foods that were eaten would be pancakes, eggs, toast, cereal, chicken, fish, beef and vegetables.

1. Lemmy ate something that was not produced by animals.

2. The one who ate pancakes is sitting opposite Wendy.

3. Iggy is inbetween one with blue hair and the one who ate eggs.

4. The second eldest sits next to the one who ate cereal.

5. King Bowser ate chicken.

6. Bespectacled Koopalings have two seats between them.

7. Those who ate eggs and vegetables are sitting opposite each other.

8. Larry likes vegetables.

9. The one who ate eggs is inbetween those who ate pancakes and toast.

10. Larry is inbetween the one who ate cereal and Bowser.

11. The one who ate beef is sitting next to Bowser.

Eventually, I deduced that I was sitting opposite Morton. What did I eat? (And who am I?)

* * *

Leave your answer in a review and I'll give the answer in two chapters!


	6. Our Birthday from Two Years Ago

Since the previous chapter wasn't a story, you guys get 2 at one shot.

* * *

Finally, it is my turn. Do you know how annoying it is to hear your younger-by-five-minutes-twin brother do all the talking while you stand by the side and watch? Ehh, I suppose you would not.

Today, I shall tell you a story about our birthday when we were eleven.

We woke up as we per normal, I on the top bunk and Iggy on the lower one.

"IT'S OUR BIRTHDAY!" I yelled in excitement.

"Ah yes, indeed," Iggy replied in his I-just-woke-up-go-away voice.

"I wonder what we'll get for our birthday this year... I hope King Dad doesn't get me rubber chickens again."

When we were ten, King Bowser got me rubber chickens for our birthday after I made a passing comment about opening a chicken farm. He probably wishes he had never bought them for me, as I gave half of them to Iggy, who decided to paint parts of them red and leave them around the house as a joke. I thought that it was pretty amusing until Bowser Jr. (who was only four at that time) thought that they were REAL chickens and tried to bite off the head of one. He dislocated his arm trying to do so (it was fixed), so we were both sent to the dungeon for a day.

We walked around the house, finding the silence a little unsettling, until we came across Wendy's room. She was talking rather loudly to her friends, so we thought that it would be fun to hear what they were saying.

"What do you think eleven-year-old brothers would like?" Wendy asked.

"Video games, perhaps?" One of her friends suggested.

"Nah," Wendy replied. "The console belongs to another brother."

We moved away and went to listen in on our other family members. Ludwig was giving Iggy a Bunsen burner for experiments, since he thought that we (finally) were old enough to handle fire without burning down curtains and turning part of the koopa troop into bones. He was also giving me a calculator so that I would not have to ask him whether 2 + 2 was 5. Morton seemed to have settled on giving us the tape recorder that we are using now, and Bowser Jr. was delighted to complete his masterpiece for his older brothers. When we were younger, Iggy and I did not give each other presents since whatever we gave to each other would just end up going back to us, but in the end we thought it was a great excuse to get something we wanted. Thus, I bought a new pillow for our bedroom, because he drooled on one of them and we could never get the stain off. Hang on a second, please pretend you did NOT hear that or else I shall have to hunt you down and wipe out your memory before you tell everyone. If I hear anyone talking about this I shall knock you out and drag you to our room.

At the end of the day we were presented with our presents (Iggy's laughing right now), which were humourously placed under a spare Christmas tree.

"King Dad, it's our birthday, not Christmas..." I complained.

"Well, I had to do _something_ with that tree."

After we received our presents we headed back to our room to see what we had gotten that year.

"Yay! King Dad gave me a box of chocolates!" I screamed in excitement.

"Roy gave me a new pair of backup spectacles!" Iggy smiled as he said that. "Only thing is, they're a hundred degrees too low... but that's okay, because I can still see out of them."

We opened up the packages addressed to both of us, one of them labelled messily with a scrawl that read, "Iggi & Lehmi". We both knew it was from Bowser Jr., since he was the only koopa who could not spell our names. The flat package contained a cute little drawing from him, titled, "Twins". I hung it above the upper bunk, and it is still there today.

Wendy gave us a few coins each, so I assumed that she must have decided that buying things was much too troublesome. I suppose that was a good thing, since she told us that her friends had suggested a lot of toys (including rubber chickens) that she thought we would not like. For once, she was right.

"Here you go," I said, passing Iggy his gift from me. "I hope you like it."

Iggy eyed the package suspiciously, and said, "You sure this isn't going to explode?"

"Nope!"

He opened the box and braced himself for impact, then proceeded to remove its contents. As I mentioned previously, it was a pillow. I almost expected him to yell at me for indirectly bringing_ that_ up, but he started grinning madly and giggling, so I supposed he was not angry.

"I'm also giving you something," he said, still laughing. "Giving you back something, to be precise."

"So what did you take from me?" I asked.

He opened his mouth as if to say, "Nothing," when Larry burst in and yelled, "I KNOW WHAT HE TOOK!"

"What," I commented. "My toothbrush?"

"Nope!" Larry snickered a little. "It. Was. Your. SANITY!"

Iggy and I simultaneously facepalmed and threw Larry out of the open door.

* * *

Short chapter yay.

That last bit happened to my friends and I, where one of them poked the other's bag, so she asked, "What did you take?" The other girl responded, "Nothing," and I cut in and said, "Your sanity!"


	7. Hide-and-Seek

The answer is, I am Larry, and I ate vegetables.

The rubber chickens... I was thinking that because they were made of rubber, their heads couldn't come off so he just kept pulling on its legs with the head inbetween his teeth until finally something gave way. The something was his arm.

Sorry for taking so long (if anyone was actually waiting, that is), I was having exams until yesterday.

* * *

"...So we just hide in our room until someone manages to find us?" I asked my brother.

He nodded his head and smiled cheerfully.

"Okay," I said approvingly. It was the best prank he had thought of in about two years that did not involve anyone being physically, mentally or emotionally scarred.

I sat in the small gap between our bed and the wall, while Iggy positioned himself next to the door. Although it seemed like he would be spotted easily, we had found out while playing hide-and-seek that most people do not look behind the doors, because it seems to be too obvious. However, the theory that hiding in obvious places would increase your chances of not being discovered is not always true. For example, Wendy hid in the bathtub once. The _bathtub_, I tell you! Completely silly!

We had switched off the lights and were waiting for someone to come in. Around 7.30 a.m., the koopa servant who was supposed to wake us up knocked on the door. Normally he only had to wake up Wendy, since the rest of us would already be awake for various reasons. Hearing no response, he opened the room door and peered inside. "Lemmy, Iggy, it's me, Koopan... Darn it, I'm going to get blasted for talking to myself again..." he mumbled, unaware that we were actually there. He closed the door and scurried back down the corridor.

"It worked," I whispered.

Several minutes later, Ludwig burst into the room and called for us to come out. "I know you're there. Hurry up and maybe we won't be late for breakfast."

We reluctantly crawled out of our hiding places when out eldest brother struck a great idea. "You guys come out now, and I'll play with you'll later."

"Yay!" I screamed. "No bribery required!"

... ... ... ... ... ...

During our free time, we called all of our siblings over and asked them to play hide-and-seek with us. Roy refused until we told him that playing games with us was another way to show his strength and skill at stuff, and Wendy had to be promised a gift from us, which was that we would _not _steal her makeup for the next month. That was kind of sad, since I do enjoy playing with the eyeliner, but getting her to play with us was an excellent trade-off for that small price. Ludwig had to stick to the deal he had made earlier, and our other brothers were normally willing to play with us.

"So," Roy said, scratching his head as he was unfamiliar with such things. "What do we do?"

"Well, all rooms on the first floor, including the kitchen, and our rooms are available for hiding in. You're to automatically to come back to the playroom if you're found. We'll take turns being 'it', and Lemmy and I will go first. If we can't find you guys in ten minutes, we lose and we all go to the playroom. Sounds good?" Iggy grinned as he spoke.

Wendy looked a bit uncomfortable at the prospect of possibly having all her siblings in her room, but she complied. Morton began talking about how we had better not touch his stuff or else he would continue talking when I said, "A minute, okay? 60... 59... 58..." He closed his mouth and scampered into the hallway with our other siblings. Meanwhile, Iggy was counting starting from one.

"1!" "60!" We yelled simultaneously. "I'll check the rooms and the bathrooms, and you'll check the first floor," Iggy said before walking towards the rooms. I watched for about a minute until I heard Morton talk to himself very loudly from the first floor about how soft the sofa was, and headed downstairs to find him. As his voice had given him away completely, I found him within seconds of stepping off the last step.

"Yo," I laughed as I approached. "Found ya." He frowned at me and groaned, then stomped up the stairs. "He was always bad at this," I said to myself. "Loud mouth makes his hiding place obvious."

I headed towards the kitchen, where the cooks were busy preparing some meat for dinner. I spoke to the one who always made the meals for me. "Hello Koofka, did you see any of my siblings around here?"

"Yes I did, some blue hair ran past me a few minutes ago. So did a necklace, I think."

I laughed at his description and thanked him, walking towards the back area of the kitchen. _"They must have forgotten to tell the cooks not to tell us,"_ I thought. There was also a door leading outside, but I decided to check the rooms inside the castle first. I went into the bathroom and turned on the light. "Wendy?" I stood in shock. "I thought you hated this bathroom because the bathtub which you're sitting in was green!"

"Hmph! I thought you'd never find me in here," she grumbled as she stalked upstairs.

"At least it was less obvious than your own bathroom~" I called after her.

Finally, I walked outside, and heard a faint sound from the storeroom. It sounded like well-padded feet (or whatever you call them) tapping on the floor. Thus, I concluded that it could only be my brother who had the consistency of jelly, and dragged him out from behind the door by his foot. "Was that really necessary?", he asked while walking back towards the castle. I checked all the possible hiding places, including the koopa-shaped, covered sandpit, the oven, although I doubted anyone would hide in there, and inside the storage area of the sofa. Satisfied with my checking, I strolled back upstairs, feeling that I had done my job.

Now I shall invite the best brother in the world to tell you about where he found our other siblings.

Oh, thank you for the compliment. I do think you are my favourite brother as well.

After I separated from Lemmy, I walked towards the nearest room, which was Ludwig's. Being the neat freak that he was, the room was spotless, so I decided to leave my hair on his bed just to see his reaction. At least he was not so obsessed with cleanliness that he would complain of my germ-infested hair contaminating his room... I hope so, anyway. Since I was unable to find anyone inside, and his lab was out of bounds, I considered his room free of my siblings.

The next room I visited was Roy's. The walls were decorated with posters of wrestling champions, with the occasional graffiti-covered face of a Mario Brother. As with Ludwig's, his room was not used as a hiding place. In fact, all the rooms were so save for Wendy's. I was wondering where all of my siblings were hiding until I opened Wendy's bathroom door. Larry had managed to wedge himself between the toilet bowl and the door, a feat even Lemmy had not attempted to pull off because the gap was so small that one could easily get stuck inside. Fortunately, Larry managed to slip out and brush himself off. He said, "You found me," and left.

Wendy's room was mostly pink and white, and the bed was covered in cushions which we love using for pranks. What surprised me was not how overwhelming the air freshener she used was, nor how the colours of her room burned my eyes, but that Roy was hiding underneath her makeup table. Kindly do not tell him I said this, but he blended in perfectly with her decor, with his pink sunglasses and all. I prodded him gently in case he jumped and destroyed her vanity table.

"So..." I began. "Are you here to annoy Wendy?"

He nodded in response and headed towards the playroom. I checked the large pile of cushions only to find Bowser Jr. hiding underneath. He had fallen asleep on her bed, so I poked him and dragged him out.

Once we were all gathered in the playroom we happily announced that they had all been found, so we had won the round. Some of our siblings looked slightly miffed, but most of them were just eager to play again. Since Larry and Morton had been found the first, they were to be 'it'. They began counting extremely loudly, so much so that we could hear them from our hiding place.

We were hiding in what we believed was the most well-hidden spot in the whole castle; behind Bowser Jr.'s floor-length curtains. Since we were both fairly slim, the chance of us being noticed due to the thick curtains having a suspicious bulge was quite low. The gap between the curtains and his toy cabinet was also small, further lessening the likelihood of being caught.

I had always found it amusing that Bowser Jr. had a door in his room that was always locked. All of us had always wondered what it was for, although our not-father had told us that the area behind that door was strictly out of bounds. One day, Larry, Lemmy and I snuck into the room to pick the lock. I stepped out of the door without looking and would have fallen on top of some vicious plants had Lemmy not caught me and pulled me back up. Of course King Bowser found out, and we were scolded for it, but at least we know that Bowser Jr.'s room used to be Princess Peach's. The door had been there to prevent her from escaping really easily, and possibly to look like an easy way for Mario (and Luigi) to rescue her. However, there was nothing but carnivorous fauna down there. If she had fallen at least those plants would have had a good meal... Larry and King Bowser only feed them three times a month. With her floating abilities she could actually have glided over the plants with ease, so I think that it was a bit of a stupid idea to keep her trapped there. That was why she had always managed to cone out to greet Mario when he came to rescue her even though she was supposed to be locked up in that room. A bit silly, huh. Seriously, why not just lock her i- NO DON'T KILL ME I DIDN'T MEAN IT! ... Ouch.

...Right. So while my brother is getting his tail burnt by King Bowser for implying his apparent stupidity, I shall continue from where he left off. I am not worried that he will hear me, since our not-father is busy chasing Iggy around the house. He should get back here in around 15 minutes.

We were in Bowser Jr.'s room, behind the curtains. To minimize suspicion, we stood on our toes. Believe me when I say that standing on the balls of your feet hurts. Even if I no longer remember the pain, my feet do. You can ask them if you want to.

Once the ten minutes were over, we triumphantly walked back to the room. Well, we felt victorious but I looked like I was in pain, limping along. Since I seemed to be injured, my siblings told us to stop playing and continued the game without us. Maybe they were just tired of us winning.

... ... ... ... ... ...

Later that day, we were sitting in our rooms talking as we always did. Suddenly, I remembered our birthday that we had celebrated two years ago. I probably should have mentioned this in the previous recording, since this one is about the hide-and-seek games we have played, but I completely forgot.

I had asked Iggy what he had been going to say that he took from me and was going to return two years ago.

"Oh, that," he replied. "Hmm... I think I was going to say a couple of bristles from your toothbrush."

I facepalmed and threw Iggy out the open door.

* * *

Moment of randomness at the end.

The entire chapter is based off a game of hide-and-seek I played with my friends. Although I do think that modelling the castle after that house is overdoing it a little... Heh.

I'm afraid the next chapter will disappoint because it's a journal entry from Lemmy about his dreams and it's really, really random.


End file.
